Sunday, 29 September 2013

deciding

Over on Fat Mum Slim's blog, a wee while ago, Chantelle was kind enough to suggest 50 things to blog about.  At no point did she say we should work our way through the list, but I started doing just that, so I'm determined to finish!

I've got as far as topic 15, which I'm a bit stuck on, but I'm going to go for it anyway, so here it is.

The most difficult decision I've ever made

I've got a problem here.  I've made decisions.  Lots of them.  But none that I would really call difficult.  

My old workplace.  Bye then!  Pic from here
Even giving up my career was really a no-brainer when it came to it.  My husband could earn as much and more as the two of us put together, but it would involve moving far away.  I wouldn't be able to go back to work, and all the networking I'd done, with a view to moving on would be for naught.  But, my husband would be earning more than enough money, and I would be able to be a full time Mum.  The place we'd need to move to looked good, and, truth be told, although there were lots of things I had liked about my career (I was a Government Researcher at the time), the stress was making me sick, and I absolutely hated the presenteeism culture.  I couldn't fathom how that could work alongside my spending time with my family.  I concluded it couldn't, and I had the chance to not do it.  Thanks be.  I resigned.

Three children - great decision (although my
body is not convinced of this)
The fact is that most of my major decisions have either been made for me, or have been so clearly the right thing to do that it's not been difficult to make them.  Apart from maybe having three children.  I don't know why I wanted three, but I wouldn't be without them.  Three is a magic number, but it's blooming awkward in a world that seems to be built for two.

In her book, Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg says that one of the most important business decisions a woman can make is in her life partner.  If you choose right, you've both got support to do what you want to do in life, so it shouldn't be done lightly.  I have no desire to work the kind of hours she works, or have a job like hers, however, I do believe that she's totally right about choosing a life partner.

When I got fed up of dating frogs while looking for my prince, I decided to get more proactive.  Now this was quite a while ago.  I think that if I were doing it now I would join a dating agency, but back then I just had a good think about what I wanted.

I wanted a man with a PhD, I didn't mind what topic it was in, but I'd rather he got it at a good university.  He also had to be funny, articulate, kind, SINGLE, and able to put up with me!  To meet someone like this it was pointless going to my local pub, so I made a decision to go to the pubs near the best local universtiy instead.  Luckily I worked there at the time.  I quickly found the pubs where lecturers and PhD students went, and hung out there.  I quickly found drinking buddies, and met lots of potential suitors.  With the help of colleagues at work, and the internet (don't you just love a bit of light stalking), I whittled down the possibilities, and whittled and was left with nothing... but I kept looking.


The Hall of Residence
Then a chance came up to move into Halls of Residence as a Warden.  I'd be in a Hall with about 20 other wardens.  The interviewer warned me that most of them would be men doing PhDs.  Oh what a shame.  I was in!

There were four women and about 18 men.  Most of them were pretty hopeless, but one of them was lovely.  He was taken of course, but I hoped that I would be able to find someone like him if I hung out with him and his friends for long enough.  I developed some great friends during my two years at the Hall, and I'm really glad I decided to move in there.  It was pretty full on being a warden, but the relationships really made up for it.  And the lovely guy who was taken?  His girlfriend dumped him, and, after a suitable period, and a lot of alcohol, I moved in for the kill romantic relationship.
available in a store near you!


I still think he's lovely, although both of us are grumpy sods.  By the way, I asked him what the hardest decision he's ever made was.  "Hmm" he said, "there was this one time when I had to choose between Nice n Spicy and Scampi flavoured Nik Naks..."

What about you?  What was the most difficult decision you've ever made?  And how did you decide who to choose for your life partner?

Posts in this series

This post is one in a series, inspired by Fat Mum Slim's list of 50 things to blog about. If you'd like to take a look, you can find the rest of them here.