Saturday, 31 January 2015

falling in love: 36 questions and four minutes

Did you come across this story when it was in the news a week or so ago? 

About an experiment involving a set of questions, and some awkward eye gazing, which can lead to participants falling in love.

To be fair I'm not sure why it was newsworthy this year. The experiment was conducted 20 years ago, but it's still interesting.

Earlier this month there were stories of people trying it out. Sometimes, because they were paid to, with embarrasing results. But there was also the lovely story of the woman who told a man about the questions, and he suggested they try it. Reader, the rest is history.

Basically, what the questions do is to accelerate the building of intimacy. And the eye gazing cements it.

It made me realise why it was I felt so incredibly awkward and embarrassed a few months ago, when I was chatting with a man who was interested in what I was saying, and I ended up saying more than I had intended. Nothing catastrophic, nothing I wouldn't say to a girlfriend without batting an eyelid, but with a man I hardly knew, well, I felt I had crossed a line, and I got out of dodge.

It also made me think of the incredibly late nights I spent with my husband before we were married, especially early on. Finding out all about him, and talking about myself, wrapped up in that wonderful couple bubble where you find yourself constantly telling other people what your new other half thinks on a subject. It's tedious to watch, but it's lovely to be in.

We don't do that anymore. Of course we don't. We've been together 14 years, we have children, we are tired, and we have heard all the stories.

Haven't we?

I thought I'd try to questions out on my husband. I didn't tell him what I was doing or anything, just tried to pass them off as regular chit chat.

Q1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Because that sort of question could pass as regular chit chat, right? I got a funny look, and then a suggestion: 'Genghis Khan, Ghandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Pol Pot.' 

'But they're all dead!' I argued (I shouldn't have argued, I had no idea who I'd want).

'Were you planning on inviting them?' He asked.

He then asked me to get my computer off the table as he was trying to put the tea out. Fair enough.

He wasn't curious as to who my dinner guests would be (to be fair, it's not very interesting), and I never remembered to ask him the next question.

Lucky we already love each other, eh?

Would you try the 36 questions? And if you've already been in love, how did you get there?


Me and my husband, with my brother and his wife (ROAD TRIP!)