Wednesday, 19 April 2017

If I ever did the Guardian Questionnaire



Back before children, when I used to lie in my bed on a Saturday morning, I used to love nothing better than getting a copy of the Saturday Guardian and reading through it. I used to love the Q&A in the Magazine, or the Guardian Questionnaire as I'm sure it used to be called. I would contemplate what my answers would be.

Well, The Guardian still hasn't asked me to do he Questionnaire for them, so I've decided to do it for you instead, so here are my answers to their questions.

1. What is your idea of perfect happiness? 

All the jobs done, someone else making a meal, and time to chill with people I love.

2. What is your greatest fear? 

Obviously something bad happeneing to someone I love, but other than that, it's the idea that maybe humanity is actually a warmongering evil bunch of gits, and I'm just being silly. 

3. With which historical figure do you most identify and why? 

The trouble with history is it's full of blokes, there aren't enough women for me to identify with. My favourite history bloke is Richard III of England, because he's the last of the House of York and because people still debate what he did and didn't do.

4. Which living person do you most admire and why? 

There is a distinct lack of admirable people when you look at the news, but I'm lucky enough to live in Scotland. I have worked with and now been governed by Nicola Sturgeon (and other people, but I'm picking a person here), and I think she's chuffing marvellous and doing a really good job for the people of Scotland in difficult circumstances. I don't agree with everything she believes in, but I really admire the way she does things, her conviction, and her strength of character.

5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? 

My lack of courage to do things in front of other people, even though I know that other people's opinions of me are never going to be as bad as my own!

6. What is the trait you most deplore in others? 


Being right wing. I could go on at length about all the details about it, but that's not going to say much more. 

7. What has been your most embarrassing moment? 

Still my mother picking up my skirt and pointing at my lack of pants to demonstrate to the lady in the French lingerie shop what we needed. It was such a big deal that the story appeared in the Guardian, here.

8. What vehicles do you own? 

A great big massive Ford Galaxy which doesn't fit in parking spaces, has nowhere useful for a bag, and has massive heavy doors which children cannot open without whacking the car parked next to us. It's an expensive car to run because of paying to get other people's paint jobs touched up. I need a new car, but they are massive money pits and very boring. 

9. What is your greatest extravagance? 

I love a cute notebook. I am having a paperchase moment just now, loving the rainbow ones, but I have a box of unused notebooks (and even more of used ones!)

10. What objects do you always carry with you? 

My phone. I've just got a new phone which hasn't got its phone case yet, so I'm missing the things that go in that, which is deeply unpleasant. They are an emergency £5, a little gift from each of my children, and a business card which I'm supposed to give away but always forget about.




11. Where would you like to live? 

Scotland, but if we could move Scotland to somewhere more sunny and a bit warmer that would be perfect.

12. What makes you depressed? 

Too much interaction. Paying attention to the news. The weather.

13. What is your most unappealing habit? 

My husband might currently argue it's snoring, but I'll stop doing that when this stinky cold goes away. I think it's probably writing down conversations I overhear if they're particularly sweary and held in public, you know, like Drs waiting rooms. Love doing that.


14. What is your favourite smell? 


Cedarwood is yummy, and Spiritual Sky Patchouli. Sorry.

15. What is your favourite building? 

The Brotherton Library in Leeds, especially the Polish bit.

16. What is your favourite journey? 

A long, comfortable train ride with a good book and plenty of batttery on my phone.

17. How did you vote in the last election? 


SNP. I would have voted Green but there wasn't a candidate here. 

18. How will you vote in the next election? 


I wasn't really expecting the next General Election to be so soon. I suspect it will be SNP again. I don't think Labour have the best interests of Scotland or even Britain in mind, and I know the Tories only want to look after themselves.

19. Should the Royal Family be scrapped? 

No! I'd rather have a family who got to be the weirdness of the monarchy than relying on celebs to open events and greet world leaders.

20. Do you believe in capital punishment? 

No. I'd like a lot less death generally.

21. Do you believe in monogamy? 


I do believe in monogamy, and certainly in respecting a person's wishes for monogamy if that's their bag. I also believe that polygamy should be acceptable for those it suits (and it could solve some divorce issues). 

22. Which living person do you most despise and why? 


I really do try to believe that people think they're doing the right thing. There are several world leaders who make that difficult.

23. What do you consider the most overrated virtue? 

Obedience. I am a great follower of rules, but I can see that not following them helps you to solve problems more creatively, and get away with all sorts. Sadly I'm turning two of my children into rule followers, but the third one could be the one to watch.

24. Have you ever said I love you without meaning it? 


I'm ashamed to say I've said it out of habit and then realised what I was saying. Happily those days are long behind me. Nowadays I always mean it when I say it, although I might not like the person I'm speaking to right at that moment!

25. Which words or phrases do you most overuse? 


I don't think we're actually fighting today, no it's not a fighting day (or substitue fighting for shouting or whineing).

26. What is your greatest regret? 


Not breaking my own stupid good girl rules when I was young, because people thought I did anyway. 

27. When and where were you happiest? 


Here and now, although it has its moments!

28. How do you relax? 


I like watching TV snuggled under a blanket with someone lovely.

29. What single thing would improve the quality of your life? 


A housekeeper. 

30. What keeps you awake at night? 

3 children, 2 kittens and 1 husband. Not much else.


31. How would you like to die? 


Old, and asleep at home, with cards on my mantle from my grandchildren.

32. Do you believe in life after death? 

Not really, although I think there's plenty that I don't know, and I've certainly felt like the spirits of those that are gone were with me. My friend Rose (who inspired this poem) certainly seemed to tell me to get away from her grave and go do something useful recently.


33. How would you like to be remembered? 


I would like my genes to carry on, bringing big stroppy people into future generations, and I would hope that some of them might like the occasional poem of mine.

34. What is the most important lesson life has taught you? 


Time keeps moving on and nobody thinks that stupid thing you did is especially interesting.