Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Not doing things: 7 things I won't do before I die.

People often talk about the things they want to do before they have kids, before they're 40, 50, 60... before they die. But what don't you want to do before you die? And why don't you want to do it? Have you done it before? Or does it just not appeal?

I'm not talking about things like dying in agony. I think we can take things like that as read.  I'm more thinking of things that are perfectly reasonable to do, but you're just not wanting to do them.  Thank you!

Here are seven things I have no intention of doing before I die.  What are yours?

1 - Wearing high heels

I've tried, I really have.  I have tottered about a little bit, but mainly I have walked and danced in stockinged feet while my high heels rested under the table.  No more I tell you.  I've got chiropodists in my family, and they tell me that high heels are the enemy of feet, so I'm not going to do it any more.

I am at an advantage, I must admit.  I'm 5'9" anyway, so lets face it, I don't need high heels.  But would I really need them if I was shorter?  

2 - Eating really spicy food

I've never got the hang of really spicy food.  I'm not going to bite into a Scotch Bonnet just to prove that I can.  It hurts!  I know that there are those that think I'm missing out, and I hope they enjoy their Vindaloos, but me?  I'll stick with Korma thanks.

Runners waiting to run the Great Scottish Run
Half Marathon.  I held the coats.
3 - Running a marathon

This is another one of those things that people who are into it tell me I am missing out for not doing, but honestly, why would you do that to yourself if you didn't have to?

My other half just ran the Glasgow Half Marathon (pictured) to raise money for Orchid Cancer.  I'm glad he did.  He loves to do exercise, and my brother has recently survived testicular cancer so Orchid is close to my heart, but I am very happy to look after the kids while he does it.  Oh, and move his clothes from start point to finish line too.  What I don't like about him doing these runs is ALL THE FREAKING TIME it takes to train up for it.  If I was doing it too we'd need a nanny.  Which we don't.  So that's good then.

4 - Being thin

I've tried this too.  When I was a teenager I tried far too hard and got all willowy.  I found myself fitting into clothes and all sorts of crazy things (passing out quite often too).  I don't want to stay fat forever, but I don't mind all that much, and I figure that when I get my act together a bit I'll get thinner.  But I'm not going to try to get actually thin.  I am not interested in going below a size 16 or thereabouts, because although I do want to be healthy, and I do want to look nicer in clothes, I do not want to be hungry, and I do not want to ditch cider and cake.  Ahhh, cider and cake.  Which do you like more?  Being thin, or cider and cake?

5 - Developing an interest in cars

I can drive a car.  I drive a car lots.  It's a great big silver thing that I can fit endless amounts of children and stuff in.  I like a car that works, although you do develop a stronger relationship with cars that don't.  I used to have a battered old Citroen by the name of Bono.  So called because he both Rattled and Hummed.  You had to stop every five miles or so to refill the water tank.  I'm glad we don't have Bono any more.

Our car now is reliable, and I don't know how to do anything except drive it and fill it with fuel.  My husband occasionally offers to show me how to fill the scooshies or check the oil, but he gives up when he notices my glazed expression.  My ideal car would fill itself up (or maybe take itself off to recharge), drive itself, and (and this is important), park itself.  Or even better, take itself off to some sort of holding facility, and come back when I needed it.

Luckily Google are working on the car of my dreams.  So I guess I may get interested in cars if they manage to make that dream a reality.  But I really couldn't care less who made them.  I just need to know:

  • how many seats?
  • what colour?  Does it come in black?
  • where do I put my bag?
  • can I fit everything in it?
6 - Getting a proper job

I was brought up by a good middle class family in Britain, with a proper Protestant Work Ethic, and I have had proper jobs, but do you know what?  They're over-rated.

What do I mean by a proper job?  One where you're paid by someone else to go somewhere and put your hours in.

Now the important thing about having a proper job is that you do get money, but I'm yet to find one wherein you get enough money to put up with the nonsense you have to put up with.  This might be the case anywhere, but I do not want to work anywhere where some numpty is counting the hours I am present, and counting them as more important than what I am doing.

Generally I suck at being told what to do, so I'm hoping to just not do it anymore.  I had an idea when I was growing up that I would work lots of hours but not mind because I would be doing something I loved.  That still works for me.  I am happy to do things I love, and things I like, and things that are just plain boring, but need to be done, so long as I am motivating myself.  So, if you could all just hand me some cash, I'll do that...  Hmm, I think this one needs more thought.

7 - Voting Tory

You're supposed to get more right wing as you get older, right?  But then I started off pretty left wing.  I have this idea that I will always listen to all sides of the political argument, but it's not true.  I have no platform for the BNP, and I'm lucky enough to live in Scotland, where UKIP is a political laughing stock (see the video below from channel 4 news).

My husband said he didn't think I was giving the Tories a fair go, because I was still referring to them as the Evil Empire, but I did!  I really did.  I even thought for a wee while there, during the election campaign that David Cameron might not be too bad.  He seemed to have the interests of families at heart.  I was wrong of course.  As soon as he got into power he put his black cape back on.  Happily I hadn't voted for him.  I was thinking of doing, but memories of the poll tax stopped me.  Thank goodness.  I shall continue to not vote for the Tories.  Hopefully others will do the same, and there might be a little hope to come.

Well, I'm sure there's stuff in my list that you don't agree with, and if so, then please do share.  But what about you?  What don't you want to do before you die?

This is the latest post in my series inspired by Fat Mum Slim's post on 50 things to blog about.  You can find the rest of them here.

Some other posts you might like are: